Wonk

As I’m currently trying to madly clean the apartment, clean out my computer, restock my iPod, and get some Christmas shopping done while Curt works today, I bring you, for now, (apart from very long sentences with an, overabundance of commas, some of them inappropriately placed) an entry consisting almost entirely (from this point onwards) of chat conversations I’ve had with my older brother. Please, to enjoy.

(The names have been edited to protect the safety of my sometimes-not-so-innocent blog, that sits precariously in my brother’s server’s grasp, comma, comma.)

On Golf Terminology
Brother: you called me last night?
Me: What is the thing called that holds up the golfball before you hit it?
Me: (You see why I didn’t leave a message)
Brother: that’s why you called me?
Me: …
Brother: a tee.
Brother: it’s called a tee.
Me: Nuh-uh!
Brother: yeah, like if it was bigger, and you put a baseball on it, and you had toddlers, it’d be called TEE ball
Me: Huh. Any relation to T-shirt?
Brother: none.
Brother: t shirt is called thta because the shirt looks like a letter “T”
Me: Huh.
Brother: is this retarded jeopardy?

On Anthropomorphism
Me: What scares snakes, you know?
Brother: texans and red-tail hawks
Me: That’s it? How do you keep snakes from attacking?
Me: If you were an animal, what animal would you be?
Brother: don’t step on them, doof.
Brother: then they don’t attack you
Brother: i would be a sloth bear.
Me: What are sloths bears?
Me: Or is there a kind of bear that is just slothish?
Me: Why would you be a sloth bear?
Brother: http://www.shortnews.com/shownews.cfm ?id=54367&CFID=2395980&CFTOKEN =74599022
Me: HAAHAHA

On “Nesting”
Me: I can come over today though!
Me: And play video games on your giant television!
Brother: hehe
Brother: my house is a disaster
Brother: so stay away
Brother: paula is out of town until saturday, so I have been nesting vigorously
Me: “nesting”
Me: being code for, dirty pig
Brother: well, i gather everything i think i’ll need for the night
Brother: and put it all on the bed in a circle
Brother: then i climb in the middle, with my laptop, and kill n00bs!
Brother: then in the morning, post nest, i grab handfuls of stuff and bring it down to the sink.
Brother: i keep a clean nest.

On The Weather
Me: I’m going to Big Bear this weekend :)
Brother: Watch out for homeless people.
Brother: And it’s going to be about 200 degrees.
Brother: 88 here locally
Me: yeah, i know.
Brother: up there, about 90 degrees with a mile or two lessa tmosphere
Brother: better bring sunscreen.
Me: probably less hot there.
Me: no?
Me: higher?
Brother: no
Brother: hotter.
Me: eh
Brother: less atmosphere
Me: verra well
Brother: it’s all radiant heat.
Me: right, that’s stp stuff
Me: right?
Brother: STP is an engine additive.
Brother: SPF, maybe? Sun Protection Factor?
Me: Standard Temparature Pressure
Brother: STFU
Me: U STFU, n00b!
Brother: kekeke n00b! LOL
Me: roflcopters
Brother: lollerskates
Brother: ok, stop.
Brother: i’m going to have to kill you.