Newsworthy News
I Am My Own CDC
There is a big hunk of pork in the kitchen, and I have no idea what I’m going to do about it. When I see pork, it always reminds me of my younger brother because everytime he sees pork, he starts to make noise about about trichinosis. Trichinosis: is it cuter than salmonella?
Because that’s salmonella, and it’s pretty damned cute.
So, pork…or blog? PORK…OR BLOG!
Return of the Loch Monster!
So, some Yorkshireman has stirred up those squirrelly Scots by video taping what he alleges to be the Loch Ness Monster. People will start showing up wearing t-shirts that say “I BELIEVE”, and there’ll be the campfire song rituals to entice Nessie out of the lake, and some poor ungulate will lose its life when they realize that Nessie, like all loveable beasts, is attracted to the scent of MEATS. I have watched the video – whatever it is is definitely moving swiftly. It may, indeed, be Nessie. Them crocs live a long time.
The TB Guy
Andrew Speaker: the TB Guy. No, no, wait: the xDRTB Guy. Says this: “I’m a very well-educated, successful, intelligent person. This is insane to me, that I have an armed guard outside my door, when I’ve cooperated with everything other than the whole solitary-confinement-in-Italy thing.” Nice excuse for getting on the plane, pal. What an ass. Mind you, not more of an ass than other people. Just your garden variety ass. With xDRTB.
“It’s Not eGay, it’s eHarmony!”
Gay people are suing eHarmony for catering mostly to Christian people. It’s ridiculous and understandable all at once. I am tempted to say, “Why do you want to play with those kids anyway?” but then, again, if I were gay and hemmed in on all sides by people who would deny me rights because they don’t like my private life, I’d want to change things too. Principles, principles! But, c’mon, it’s eHarmony. Filing a lawsuit to use eHarmony is like waiting in line to watch Mariah Carey’s Glitter. Go forth somewhere else and multiply, my happy friends, this is so not the promised land.
Steve vs. Bill: Who’s Hotter?
Yesterday Steve Jobs and Bill Gates interviewed live at All Things D, a Wallstreet Journal sponsored tech convention. When they panned out at the crowd, I saw drooling geeks of all ages (mostly male), wearing the same suspenders, and I thought, “FREE SUSPENDERS! DAMNIT I MISS EVERYTHING COOL!”, but came to realize they weren’t suspenders at all, merely those badge-laces that hang around your neck at conventions. I felt a little better about not having been there, but a little sadder about living in a world where nobody gives out free suspenders at conventions. (/sigh) ANYWAY – a few months ago I told Orange that I thought Bill Gates was cuter than Steve Jobs. I still think Bill is hotter in his own quiet, sounds-like-Kermit, richest-man-ever way. I will admit though, that Steve Jobs ain’t lookin’ shabby these days! He’s like a black-turtle-neck-wearing Bad-Boy O’ The Geeks. I even see flashes of the Jean-Luc Picard in him when he turns his head in the light just so…
We geeks see things differently than you mere mortals. Move along, then – I have pork to wrestle with.