I don’t get how such a huge chunk of the population can be so enamored with the steaming crap that is the Twilight series. I just don’t get it. And it’s not like I’ve never read (and enjoyed) a romance novel. It’s not like I haven’t watched and enjoyed plenty of brainless romantic comedies. NOT LIKE! NO! But I actually feel a modicum of physical pain thinking about how stupid Twilight is. I must end, lest the stupid ruptures a vessel and I bleed out (in hopes that a PROPER vampire comes along and sucks me dry — WHICH IS HOW IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE DONE, BTW, IDIOT WOMAN!)

/ END RANT

So in 2009 I read 65 books, the best of which was Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell. I saw 56 movies, the best of which was Noises Off (it made me snort with laughter several times). 65 > 56, therefore I succeeded in reading more books than I watched movies. Yay! I did not, however, finish freakin’ 100 Years of Solitude, or the equally freakin’ Moby Dick, so one demerit for me. Second demerit for failing to read 100 books.

I also ended the year weighing seven more pounds than I started it. Which is yay, because how many of YOU can say you’re ready to hibernate through the winter?! YEAH, BABY! (Demerit.)

And now I’m tired of recounting 2009, so end and to bed.

The Chinese are still holding my new laptop hostage in FedEx limbo land, work is stressful as a sumbitch, and the apartment is a mess, but for all these things that are slightly suck, I recognize and am thankful for the innate non-suckness. For tomorrow is 30-years-old Day! And Spa Day! And Zombieland Day! And Claim Jumper Birthday Dinner Day! YAY!

Today has been a good day, and a fitful end to the first 29 years of my life.

First, the Dodgers beat the Cards in Game 2 of their NLDS showdown, and it was a freakin’ AWESOME bottom of the 9th inning. The bottom-of-the-ninth-with-two-outs inning that every baseball fan dreams of seeing, and I saw it. It was GLORIOUS.

Then, Curt and I went to a Library Volunteer Appreciation night where I won a lovely centerpiece!

BUT WAIT, that’s not all: I haven’t had time to volunteer in the last couple of months so my name sort of slipped through the cracks. So a week ago, my library supervisor emailed me to say “Hey, did you get an invitation? If not, you’re invited! Please RSVP by telephone to [Name of some lady I have never met]!”

So I did. Only, see, my name is not something simple that can be conveyed over the phone in an unambiguous way. Which is why there exists in the world a picture of me, stunned-faced and standing next to the mayor, holding up a certificate of appreciation which thanks JEAN WONG for all her hours of volunteer work.

Looks like I’m finally giving that Hubo a run for his money… ;)

…with purple giraffes on your toilet paper. ;)

Burger King woos Japan with ‘angry’ burger – National Business – MiamiHerald.com.

Gotta love the Japanese. :)

7/11/2009 Yes, but can he moonwalk?

The Vietnamese passage goes okay, my sister forgets her garter and we buy a replacement in a goth store across the street from the restaurant. It is black with a skull-like cameo on it: fitting for the horde. My new brother-in-law performs what is quite possibly the most amazing groom dance EVAR. It’s a great wedding. :) More photos here.

7/12/2009 I can’t has okapi?

(See above!)

Curt, Ai, and I go to the San Diego Wild Animal Park. The heat nearly melts our brains. Ai pokes a lion in the butt, I feed some lorikeets, and have a hyrax sit on my shoulder. We rock out to Def Leppard and REO Speedwagon. More photos here!

7/13/2009 The truth is out there

We go to the pet store and buy a cat fountain. Curt puts our money where his mouth is and we buy some dog-biscuit cookies and perform a blind taste test. Curt is only able to tell the difference between the dog-biscuit cookies and the generic Stater Brother’s cookies half the time. The lesson here is that Stater Brothers sells dog-biscuit cookie-a-likes. You’ve been warned.

7/15/2009 Harry Potter and the Filler Plot Between #5 and #7

Ai and I go see Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. I find it lackluster, and Ai is disappointed. Very little sparkle. Hopefully the 7s are better. Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs looks fun, though! I start doing my 10-Minute Trainer. Tony Horton is kicking my ass, but he’s surprisingly likeable.

7/16/2009 Go 66ers!

Curt and I go see the Inland Empire 66-ers, the Dodger’s A affiliate. Bernie the mascot beast is a poor man’s Philliy’s Phanatic, but it’s a good time. I learn how to keep score at a baseball game.

7/17/2009 So long, farewell

Clyde goes to his new home and I’m a little sad. I talk Curt into letting me keep Clementine on an outdoor-cat basis. Now only to talk him into letting me keep the other two…

Happy weekend! ;)

Curt and I have a contest to see who can sing the national anthem better. We go to the pet store, where Curt is left alone too long, wanders off, tastes a dog cookie and then announces, “THEY’RE JUST COOKIES!” He insists they are people cookies labeled as dog cookies to trick people.

“Now granted,” he says, “I didn’t eat the cookie part, so I don’t know what the cookie part tastes like. But there was nothing in the ingredients that indicated dog food, period! The ingredients were identical to the ingredients of a cookie!”

“You said you could literally buy those and eat those with your dog.”

“That’s right!”

And then we went to Target, where we looked at pinatas and Curt says, “Hey, there’s no candy in these pinatas!”

“You have to put candy in them!”

After turning the pinata this way and that and finding no ingress, Curt gestures accusingly at the pinata and says, “Where’s the candy go?”

“In the CANDY HOLE!”

“There’s no hole in this pinata.”

At which point Curt literally tears that poor little purple pony a new one.

(Curt the ombudsman would like me to say that he did not really tear it. He just…”opened” it.)

(Curt the ombudsman would also like to add that he checked the ingredients for the Golden Oreos while we were at the Target and confirmed that the ingredients of the Golden Oreos were the same as those found in the dog cookie. “In the same order, indicating they were present in ROUGHLY the same amount.”)

Except one was labeled a dog cookie, and the other was an Oreo.

Goodnight. :)