When I was in the fifth grade, I was convinced that I would be a great writer if only I could think up enough different ways of saying ‘said’. Like, ‘He interjected!’, or ‘She exclaimed!’ So I made a list, at least a page long, of all the different synonyms I could possibly think of, including some very ridiculous ones no one would ever use in actual prose (e.g. ‘verbalize’). The last time I saw this paper, it was looking very worn and well-used, tucked in the leaves of the old red folder I used to take to confirmation class with me. While the nuns mapped out the road to my soul’s salvation, I wrote down different words for ‘said’.

Now, fifteen-odd years later, I have lost that paper, and with it, my chances of ever being an excellent writer.

Also, it would appear I am going to hell.

Ah well.

5,000 words of 50,000, and co-worker David has bet me $5.00 that I can’t get to 50,000 by the end of the month. That little bitch-boy is going down, my friends. YES THAT’S RIGHT, I SAID IT: BITCH-BOY!