The bright side
Work sounds particularly loathsome today. I can’t bike or run because my knee is sore from hiking. I don’t even have it in me to clean.
However, I am wearing orange pants. Orange pants trump all, I think. ;) Happy day!
Dating Tips: 9 Essentials for Single Women — Yahoo! Personals
Why does Yahoo! put this shit on the front page? This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever read. It should be entitled, “How women externalize their desperate shallowness in order to make themselves feel less alone because they don’t understand that things like this don’t make people happy.”
I’m grumpy because the Dodgers squandered a 6-0 lead, and because, despite promising the lords of the universe that I would (middle) name my first born child for whichever batter hit that home run to send the game into extra innings, there were no takers. Hence, there will never be a Max Juan Pierre Burdette, a Max Matt Kemp Burdette, or a Max Casey Blake Burdette.
And that pisses me off too.
ARRRRGH.
They don’t care about your health, but…
…at this point, with all the information that’s out there about the dangers of smoking, if you’re still smoking is it really the tobacco companies’ fault?
* denotes “Unadjusted for asshole cheating”
Dodgers are the best team in the majors right now!* Damn you for making my husband sad, you!
In more asshole news, the couple who lived next door to us (and had no compulsions about screaming obscenities at their children at 7:00 AM every morning because the kids didn’t want to get ready for school) moved away and abandoned their little kitten. We are now feeding her. I have named her Clementine. Curt doesn’t know it, but I am planning to smuggle her away with us when we move.
Well, that part isn’t asshole. That part is nice. :)
Ramirez suspended 50 games for drug violation – MLB – Yahoo Sports
Ramirez suspended 50 games for drug violation – MLB – Yahoo Sports.
Goddamnit.
Ah, well. I like Juan Pierre! Go Juan Pierre!
The field trip they don’t tell you about in elementary school
This is a brilliant entry from Ai’s blog, which I am reproducing in its entirety (with the proper permissions):
(Psst…I am “G”!)
So some of you might remember my post about the vice cops busting the “day spa” in one of the office units in our building a while ago. Well, we just got permission from the owner to rent that unit so we got to take a look inside today. It’s, well, very brothel-y.
Security cameras and monitors galore (I would imagine to watch out for cops). Lots of small rooms with giant windows, rigged to hold curtains, and a “lobby” with a small, windowed hole in the wall to “screen” clients. Oh, and you can totally see the boot print on the door from the vice cop who broke down the door, busting the door jam FTW!!!
Me and G walk into one of the small empty rooms as B (our tour guide for this adventure) leaves.
me: “People used to have sex for money in here.”
[silence reigns]
G: [looks at me]
me: “Yeah, let’s get out of here.”
[We both start running out of the dark, unlit used-to-be brothel]
me: “Don’t leave us here in the dark!”
G: “Yeah, don’t want to be stuck here with the brothel ghosts.”
me: “Yeah, the ghosts of blowjobs past.”
So yeah, that’s the tour. :D
The robots attack at midnight!
Tonight, my new camera arrives. Behold!
I’m always convinced for every good thing that happens, something equally bad will happen. I’m very excited about this new camera, thus I am girding myself for something to go catastrophically awry on my way out to pick it up, or on my way back. Curt says this behavior is paranoid, but what he doesn’t know is that universe, while largely a chaotic place, is sometimes just out to fuck with you. Beware! Beware the robots!
Continued
“And a good bargain he made of it, too! No donkey quite so reliable as old Stinky Sally.” The devil gave a dazzling smile.
Nick exhaled noiselessly, running his hands through his hair. It was growing uncomfortably hot in the bathroom.
“So – so what are you going to do to me? Are you going to crash the plane? Am I going to burn to death?”
“Burn you? Burn you, dear boy? Of course not. What good would that do me? No, no – I need your help, Nicholas.”
“Help? From me? But aren’t you the devil? Don’t you have magical devil powers?”
“To tell you the truth,” the devil said, lowering his voice to a confidential tone, “My powers are grossly exaggerated.”
When snails attack
On my way to my car last night I righted an upside down snail. When I got home, I came across his squashed carcass, and felt a twinge of sadness.
I don’t want to touch snails, but I always feel so sorry for them, being slow and unable to run from danger. (I also harbor some residual guilt from my days as a childhood snail-salter. Oh god, I felt bad just typing that.) Then, the other day, I saw this snail:
…and I thought, “Oh no, it’s a deformed snail!”
Thus was my pity stirred, because here was a snail that was not only slow and unable to run from danger, but also handicapped!
Then I got to work, and saw that there were a whole colony of these same deformed snails in the bushes outside of our office. Turns out they are their own species called decollate snails. Wikipedia excitedly describes them as “PREDATORY LAND SNAILS”, as they hunt and feed upon the regular garden-variety snails.
In fact, you know those slimy little snail trails that normal snails leave behind? Wikipedia says that decollate snails use them to catch the scent of and track the normal snails. TO EAT THEM.
I don’t mind telling you I got a bit of a chill reading that.
!*&#^@!!
So for about six months, the Toyota of Riverside people have been pestering me to replace my air cabin filter. This is really something that chaps my hide about having any car maintenance done – they always want to sell me something else. Several times, and always with the reproachful tongue-clucking which is meant to impart, “Okay, but now your car might explode!”
I looked it up – the cabin air filter does exactly what you’d think something with that name does – it filters the air in my cabin. I also looked up how much the part costs. For a genuine Toyota air filter, it’d be around $35.00 retail, or like $20.00 online. The price to replace it at the dealership? $60.00. So that’s like $35.00 for labor. And you know what it takes to put in the part? Just remove the glove box, take off the air filter cover, pop it in, and replace. I tried it this evening. It took me two minutes.
And you know what else? MY CAR DIDN’T EVEN COME WITH A CABIN AIR FILTER.
So they would be replacing…what, exactly? And charging me how much to replace something that the manufacturers didn’t even deem important enough to include standard?
FUCKERS.
My own fault for still going to the damn dealership to get my maintenance done. I hear Joe Pesci screaming, “They fuck you with the cell phones!”
Grrrrr.